SO I've decided to try to expand my repertoire a bit. (PS. repertoire is hard to spell). And since I've had a stressful week that is just the lead-up to another stressful week (I get to work over 12 hours/shift twice this week! Joy), I haven't got a lot of creative energy, so this is mostly links. But they're important links, and good links, so you should read them and be amazed.
Ok, but first, although I said I'd start expanding, there's still this that I wanted to share:
"Contradictory symptoms are part of what makes depression difficult to detect. You might have trouble falling asleep or you might oversleep, and either way you might not realize that it's part of a bigger problem...Some people end up with an anger trigger that the Hulk would consider extreme...Others might find themselves having trouble remembering things, or gaining weight, or having trouble remembering things, or listening to blues music and smoking cigarettes in the rain, or having trouble remembering things."
"For some people antidepressants absolutely do help, and it's irresponsible to claim otherwise. It's like saying that because cancer screening doesn't have a 100 percent effective rate there's no point in getting checked."
"Social factors discourage men from seeking help...So while most women are getting treatment and support, men are prone to dealing with their problems through substance abuse, bouts of violence (remember how that's one of the symptoms?), and the medically unsound practice of suicide." (See? Gender inequality is harmful to both genders...but that's a topic for another day.)
"To them, this feeling is just another part of living, like dealing with their dad's insatiable desire to see the return of grunge." - This last hits me quite a bit, because that's exactly how it feels. It's hard to separate the normal emotions from the crazy ones. I often don't notice when I'm going off the rails because it seems normal. It also hit me quite a bit because I, too, desire the return of grunge.
A guy in the comments wrote: "I could do the dishes, or I could just sit here and fantasize about killing myself. Then I wouldn't have to do the dishes!"
And damned if that isn't exactly the sort of crazy shit my brain used to tell me. Like, it's funny now, because that is CRAZY, but at the time, it seems like a rational thought.
Now for some other stuff -
This comic is amazing, and quite hard to read at times. Despite the title, it's about someone who does have an eating disorder. She's also bipolar, so I recognize parts of this myself, though I deal with my issues differently. It's interesting how the ED itself is caused by a number of different things she struggles with. Fair warning, this one has self-harm, suicidal ideation, and general sad stuff. I had to take it in doses (especially when I got to the bit about trying different medications, because my doctor is futzing with my meds right now and it's making me a bit anxious, even though she's probably right, just like every other time.) It's also a work in progress - not finished at all. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it - it's important! So maybe just be prepared to read a little at a time.
featuring:
Lastly, a happy one:
5 Facts Everyone Gets Wrong About Depression
featuring:"Contradictory symptoms are part of what makes depression difficult to detect. You might have trouble falling asleep or you might oversleep, and either way you might not realize that it's part of a bigger problem...Some people end up with an anger trigger that the Hulk would consider extreme...Others might find themselves having trouble remembering things, or gaining weight, or having trouble remembering things, or listening to blues music and smoking cigarettes in the rain, or having trouble remembering things."
"For some people antidepressants absolutely do help, and it's irresponsible to claim otherwise. It's like saying that because cancer screening doesn't have a 100 percent effective rate there's no point in getting checked."
"Social factors discourage men from seeking help...So while most women are getting treatment and support, men are prone to dealing with their problems through substance abuse, bouts of violence (remember how that's one of the symptoms?), and the medically unsound practice of suicide." (See? Gender inequality is harmful to both genders...but that's a topic for another day.)
"To them, this feeling is just another part of living, like dealing with their dad's insatiable desire to see the return of grunge." - This last hits me quite a bit, because that's exactly how it feels. It's hard to separate the normal emotions from the crazy ones. I often don't notice when I'm going off the rails because it seems normal. It also hit me quite a bit because I, too, desire the return of grunge.
A guy in the comments wrote: "I could do the dishes, or I could just sit here and fantasize about killing myself. Then I wouldn't have to do the dishes!"
And damned if that isn't exactly the sort of crazy shit my brain used to tell me. Like, it's funny now, because that is CRAZY, but at the time, it seems like a rational thought.
Now for some other stuff -
This comic is amazing, and quite hard to read at times. Despite the title, it's about someone who does have an eating disorder. She's also bipolar, so I recognize parts of this myself, though I deal with my issues differently. It's interesting how the ED itself is caused by a number of different things she struggles with. Fair warning, this one has self-harm, suicidal ideation, and general sad stuff. I had to take it in doses (especially when I got to the bit about trying different medications, because my doctor is futzing with my meds right now and it's making me a bit anxious, even though she's probably right, just like every other time.) It's also a work in progress - not finished at all. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it - it's important! So maybe just be prepared to read a little at a time.
I Do Not Have an Eating Disorder
Pg 3: "It seems to me that somewhere in adolescence, a lot of girls pick up this idea that a multitude of problems can be solved by eliminating food groups (I’ve been spending a lot of time with a dietician to learn the exact opposite). I knew a lot of girls who did this in highschool, my best friend ending up with a diet that consisted only of lettuce with tabasco sauce. That kind of extreme seems illogical, but when you reach those behaviours by dropping a little from your diet at a time, it doesn’t seem so crazy."
Pg 8: "I think it’s the sense of control...that starts to cross the line into ED territory. No matter what happens to us, ultimately we still have control over how we care for our own body. It’s so empowering to remind myself of that by seeing how easily my body responds to what I give or deny it."
Pg 55: has a list of things one can do instead of self-harming that can approximate the feeling (like "Take some ice, frozen peas etc and apply them quickly to the area where you usually cut. The sudden shock of the cold will sometimes be enough to ground you again")
Pg 8: "I think it’s the sense of control...that starts to cross the line into ED territory. No matter what happens to us, ultimately we still have control over how we care for our own body. It’s so empowering to remind myself of that by seeing how easily my body responds to what I give or deny it."
Pg 55: has a list of things one can do instead of self-harming that can approximate the feeling (like "Take some ice, frozen peas etc and apply them quickly to the area where you usually cut. The sudden shock of the cold will sometimes be enough to ground you again")
Pg. 47: "Feeling my body continue to change made me feel extremely threatened and unsafe. More than anything, I just didn’t want to be in that physical body."
Pg. 77: "But the nugget of truth in that suggestion is that this particular deep, lonely sadness is something that I’ve carried for over a decade. Even though it’s been a burden the entire time, at least it’s familiar. Coping, hopefulness, health and even happiness are wrapped up in a whole lot of newness and mystery, and sometimes I feel like that in itself is too much to bear. Depressive lows are, if nothing else, a place of predictability and familiarity for me."
Pg. 77: "But the nugget of truth in that suggestion is that this particular deep, lonely sadness is something that I’ve carried for over a decade. Even though it’s been a burden the entire time, at least it’s familiar. Coping, hopefulness, health and even happiness are wrapped up in a whole lot of newness and mystery, and sometimes I feel like that in itself is too much to bear. Depressive lows are, if nothing else, a place of predictability and familiarity for me."
- Ow. I have different issues, but I recognize that one.
Pg 94: "One of the hardest things about this feeling of complete hopelessness was that I didn’t know where it was coming from. From an outsider’s perspective, my life was great - I was surrounded by loving people, well employed, social, creative and every reason to be happy. I just had such an overwhelming feeling of despair, such an inability to cope, and these constant whispering voices in my head that I’d feel so peaceful if I just ended my life. I didn’t want to do anything as violent or drastic as killing myself - but there was this gentle idea in my mind that to just go to sleep, to just never wake up, never face another day, would finally offer me some rest and relief from this constant exhaustion of life."
Pg 94: "One of the hardest things about this feeling of complete hopelessness was that I didn’t know where it was coming from. From an outsider’s perspective, my life was great - I was surrounded by loving people, well employed, social, creative and every reason to be happy. I just had such an overwhelming feeling of despair, such an inability to cope, and these constant whispering voices in my head that I’d feel so peaceful if I just ended my life. I didn’t want to do anything as violent or drastic as killing myself - but there was this gentle idea in my mind that to just go to sleep, to just never wake up, never face another day, would finally offer me some rest and relief from this constant exhaustion of life."
- God, do I recognize this one. Some of my bad moments, I look back and miss the people I was with, the situation I was in, but I'm aware that when I was in that place, I locked myself in my apartment for 2 weeks watching Stargate because I couldn't bear to do anything else. Stupid depression. Makes me unable to appreciate when things are awesome.
Pg 109: "This was a pretty terrifying moment for me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it was just skin stretched over bones. Yet when I stepped back and looked straight at my reflection, I was still as fat as ever. I tried again to catch myself in my peripheral vision again, bending at different angles, and I got a flash of my back - ribs poking through, bony shoulder blades, stretched tendons of my neck. Yet once again when I looked squarely at my reflection I saw a chubby blob. It made it so evident to me that my eyes just weren’t working - these two images couldn’t possibly coexist - and that I had to learn to see myself honestly. I’m still working on that."
Pg. 126: "My poor girlfriend was dealing with this constant fear, knowing that I had suicidal feelings, and never knowing whether I was just taking something to numb me out or whether she needed to be seriously worried that I’d taken too much."
- I've been on the "girlfriend" side of this one with my mom. We staged a mini-intervention for her when she tried to starve herself (She called it a fast. She was waiting for a miracle. My brother and I were the only ones who recognized what this was, because we've both been in that place). My mom's depression/anxiety combo often gives her insomnia, so she has sleeping pills and a tendency to mess with her medications to get the results she wants. I needn't have been worried (about pills, specifically), but it's natural, when someone's in that state to think through how many things your loved one can get their hands on in a moment of madness. Scary.
Pg 129: is about how validating it can be to just have someone listen with genuine interest, with no judgment, and try to understand your illness :)
Pg 140: On ED and feminism
Pg 149: "I think this is what being suicidal often looks like. It’s not a passionate wish to die, it’s just giving up. No longer caring about life, about taking care of yourself, about whether you live or die."
She also has a page of resources, though I'm not sure how many of these are Australia-specific.
And now for something a little lighter:
Stories of Autism (feat. Gavin)
This is a photographer's cite. She specializes in photography of people with special needs, which is awesome! She's participating in a collection of portraits and stories of folks with autism that goes live April 14th.
This story also alerted me to a thing called "Gentle Worship," which is something they do at Holy Communion Lutheran Church in Racine. The site says, "Sunday morning church isn't for everyone. You probably know them: the family for whom worship has become next to impossible. They have a child with autism, a spouse with Alzheimer’s, someone with severe hearing loss. Perhaps it’s someone who feels self-conscious about their oxygen tank. Whether we like it or not, these folks often feel like they are on the outside looking in. Gentle Worship is a worship service for families with individuals who are challenged by special needs or otherwise 'on the edge.'" Gavin spells: “Gentle Worship means God is with me and loves me. The greatest gift is love. I love Jesus. A friend always aims for love and support. Aim for love every day, aim for peace. ”
I had never heard of a church doing anything like this, and I think it's amazing. God loves everyone, regardless of their physical or mental limitations. That this church makes the effort to reach out to those for whom church is difficult is just - awesome. Thanks for existing, Holy Communion.
Lastly, a happy one:
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