For anyone who doesn't know, I'm working full-time and going to school part-time. It's sweet, because working full-time at school means I get free tuition to this private college. I don't particularly love my job (it's not remotely in my field, but I like the people I work with), and I'm getting paid peanuts if you don't factor in the tuition. If you do factor in the tuition, I make a ton. Sometimes it bothers me, because no one really pays for the tuition, they lose nothing by offering it to me, so shouldn't I get a raise? Then I think: "What? So my income only matters if someone else is suffering for it?" Beyond that, the fact that I have a job at all is quite the blessing in this economy, and I've been there for 5 years now. I started when I was 19, and they've helped me, nurtured me, and let me make mistakes (sometimes bad ones) and haven't fired me. It was too much responsibility for me at first, and I was too immature for it. Sometimes I still am. So it's not the job I wish I had - I am the worst person ever.
I dropped out of this school a while back because I was struggling with depression and found the atmosphere stifling. I still hold a lot of that resentment, and I still find the atmosphere stifling. I think, "How much does picking someone off the ground matter if you're the one that pushed them down in the first place?" This school is great for a certain type of person, and I'm not really that type of person. Still, I chose to come here, and I also know that my depression (still unmedicated at the time) had a ton to do with it. So the problem is really mine. Not that the school doesn't have it's problems, but I've been given an extraordinary chance to go back. I'm going to graduate (in 7 years, but still, graduate), and I'm not paying for it. I made a major mistake that could have messed up my life big time, and I've been given the opportunity to fix it. That's incredible. It's huge. I am the worst person ever.
