Short Hair, Don't Care

THIS:

When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ - See more at: http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.z16WBDam.dpuf

When Suits Become Stumbling Blocks: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ

Read it.  Savor it.  Then go, and sin no more.

From the comments:

"What about saving your body for your future husband?"
Well, looking at something doesn't mean you own it.  Exposing something doesn't mean you share it.  This is why you neighbor doesn't occasionally drive your car to work, even if it's sitting in your driveway every day.
And while we're on this metaphor, can we stop comparing women to cars and, occasionally, cows?  Weirdly, people are different than objects.  The fact that we can compare a woman to a car and then go on, in the same metaphor, to show how cars are more respected is really, truly alarming.

"But your body doesn't belong to you, it belongs to God and your husband."
First of all, if you're so concerned that I'm desecrating the holy temple that is my body, I hope you're really, really fit.  Like, mostly vegetarian, working out several times a week kind of fit.  Anyway, God said to be "modest."  Modesty is cultural.  Paul talks about braiding hair or not having short hair, and we tend to ignore those rules because, really?  Who thinks about hair that much?  Ancient Romans, evidently.  Modesty is a moving target.
I would argue that the intent of the exhortations on modesty had more to do with the intent of the one being modest.  Why are you wearing that?  Because it's comfortable?  Because you like it?  Or to attract sexual attention?  I have a baggy hoodie that I have worn, on purpose, to attract sexual attention, back in my naughtier days.  It may sound odd, but it worked like a charm.  No one on earth would have called that sweater "immodest," but it was, because I was immodest in my intent.
Also, a man's body is also God's, but nobody shames them for jogging shirtless.  Or wearing basketball shorts with nothing underneath (one of my favorites).  So let's not pretend this article isn't relevant.
As to your body belonging to your husband, his body also belongs to you.  Read the WHOLE VERSE.  It's not about possession.  It's about mutual respect, commitment, and taking care of each other.  It's about - wait for it - consent.  Consent.  Good word, consent.  We should talk about consent more often.  Because consent is important!  Boy, do I like consent.  It's weird that consent seems to be something only "the left" or "the feminazis" are talking about, because consent is right there in the Bible.  Inside marriage, consent is still a thing.  Wow!  Consent!  (Ok, I'm done now.)

"Men and women are different.  Women don't think that way...Something something Testosterone" (also, any comment where womens' "lust" is put in "quotes" like a "unicorn" who "doesn't exist")
I'm sorry, have you met me?  Here's an awkward fact: I have only once dated a man who could match me in sex drive.  Not that it's a big pool, but that's like 25%, so still less than half.  So don't talk to me about women having less of a need for sex.
Also, where is that in the Bible?  Where does it say that men and women are innately built to be different?  I haven't figured that one out yet.


"Women can't be sexist!" (A complaint that an article written by a woman was one of those satirized)
Yes, in fact, they can.  Next question

"Paul argues against tempting others in 1 Cor 8"
This is an interesting passage, and I tend to view part of it as evidence that sin is whatever we think it is - that is, if something is not specifically forbidden by scripture, but we, for some reason, think it's a sin, then do it anyway, we actually have sinned, even if it wasn't originally a sin.  That's a whole different discussion, with so many tangents and dangerous arguments, but I'm well aware of the verse.
Anyway, Paul is talking about peer pressure.  If we were to apply this to clothing, it wouldn't be: That person is wearing a short skirt -> I'm going to go have lust over here and/or I guess it's ok to rape her.  It would be: As a lady, I notice that that person is wearing a short skirt, which I think is a sin -> But if she's doing it, I should too -> Oh no, I'm wearing a short skirt and now I have sinned.  We should, certainly avoid causing our brothers and sisters in Christ to sin.  However, we simply can't have enough knowledge of a complete stranger's tastes and moral standing.  We do our best.  But the amount of shaming that flies around about this one thing is ridiculous.
So: If you have a male friend, and you know he has a thing for, say, tennis skirts, maybe don't wear a tennis skirt around him.  Maybe don't play tennis with him.  But if you're playing tennis with other people, don't feel like you have to wear sweat pants just to avoid having complete strangers lust over you.  Play tennis like a human.


WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST BE HUMANS?
I don't know, It's like 6pm and I work at Starbucks now, so I'm too tired to end this post because it's almost bedtime and I haven't eaten supper yet.  I just got all...infuriated on my insides while reading the comments to this awesome satirical article.  I don't know why I went down there.  YOU NEVER GO DOWN THERE.  I wasn't even going to do this tonight.  LEAVE ME ALONE, WORLD.
Um...
KBYE

This is one of the most misunderstood teachings in Christianity… Christians believe that our bodies, in marriage, belong to ONE ANOTHER. Not “your body belongs to your husband” or “to your wife”, but to each other. .. which means you are to treat one another with the utmost in respect and love.
It’s not about possession. It’s about commitment and mutual respect.
- See more at: http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.z16WBDam.dpuf

This is one of the most misunderstood teachings in Christianity… Christians believe that our bodies, in marriage, belong to ONE ANOTHER. Not “your body belongs to your husband” or “to your wife”, but to each other. .. which means you are to treat one another with the utmost in respect and love.
It’s not about possession. It’s about commitment and mutual respect.
- See more at: http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.z16WBDam.dpuf

When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ - See more at: http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.z16WBDam.dpuf

Grief, Anger, Prayer

Here's one that's been mulling a while as well.  Another big one, like the forgiveness thing.  It comes from places very personal to people close to me.  
My mom is going through a very painful (and biblically sanctioned) divorce right now - after 20 years of marriage.  It's a difficult process anyway, but made all the more difficult by an unsupportive pastor, a soon-to-be-ex-husband who continues to disrespect her, and a community of fellow Christians who judge her for being angry.   
At the same time, I have friends who recently found out that they can't have children.  Perhaps they'll adopt or take some other option, but for now, I imagine it hits like a betrayal.  A betrayal of one's own body, and even a betrayal by the One who made those bodies.  A strong Christian couple, who I have no doubt would be awesome parents - how can He do this to them?  Here again, there are people - fellow Christians - who want to say, "You shouldn't be angry."
Now honestly, I have no real clue what the people in either of my stories is going through.  I haven't had to go through anything like that myself.  But I know grief, and that's what this is.  People talk about grief in situations of death, but it can (obviously, I would think) be relevant to other situations as well.  It's still death, of a sort - death of a marriage, of a dream, whathaveyou.  The Bible certainly takes such things seriously - barrenness and adultery are used frequently as illustrations and examples of bad things in the Bible.
Now, I've got 3 things all tangled together in my mind as a result of this - Grief, Prayer, and and Anger.  What is grief?  Is grief different for a Christian?  How do grief and anger affect prayer?  Is it ok to be angry?  Is it ok to be angry at God?

FORGIVENESS is a Big Freaking Word

This is a long one, and one that's been mulling for a long time.  I still don't know if it's quite sufficiently finished, but I think it's reached the point where it needs to be let loose.  The subject is:

FORGIVENESS

Prepare yourself, because this one's a monster.  Because I love you so much, I've broken it down into topics for easier digestion, thus:

Why do we forgive?

This is a tricksy one.  I mean, "because God said so" is a bit obvious.  But why did he say so?  It's a child's question, but one we don't ask frequently enough.  (Certainly, there are things that I have to, in the end, leave at "because God says so," but I think it's valuable for our own growth, understanding, and faith if we try to understand why God requires of us the things that he does.)  The answer I've come up with has 3 parts.

First: Because we have been forgiven.  This is the obvious one, based on Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant.

Second: For our own health and salvation.  Selfish!  According to a 2004 article by Jordana Lewis and Jerry Adler of Newsweek, research on being unforgiving shows that holding a grudge can lead to "increased blood pressure and hormonal changes -- linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory."  This also has a parallel in the Matthew: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Third: Because other people are people.  One of my favorite C. S. Lewis quotes (and one that continually reminds me how far I have to go in my journey) deals with this, peripherally.

In Which I Completely Freak Out, But It's Really All Okay...Mostly

I had to switch psychiatrists when I changed insurance (which I had to do because my company cut health insurance, and claimed it was Obamacare's fault, even though we all know that's bull*).
My previous one was very gentle with medications.  She put me on the lowest effective dose of my medication, and even though I still had a few highs and lows - some days I'd wake up, start 5 projects, not finish any, take a nap, and then be normal; some days I'd be cycling negative thoughts all day, then take a nap and be normal - I was able to function and was doing ok.  I've said it before: medication changed my life.  It's good for me.
I chose my new psychiatrist based on how I only had a month left of pills and she was the only one in the whole Aurora system who would see me without a referral from an Aurora psychologist, despite how I've been on these pills for 3 freaking years and only 3 total doctors' visits are covered by my insurance so I don't have time or money for your shit, Aurora!  (My last psychiatrist saw me every 6 months or less, so I didn't think the "3 dr visits/yr" thing would be too too terrible - 1 physical, 2 psych, done.  Sure, there are emergencies to cover, but I'm poor, and I had to weigh the monthly cost vs the possible cost of an extra dr visit or two, and it came down to: sometimes we run out of food between paychecks, so bigger monthly cost is just not going to work for us.)  This new psychiatrist is not averse to medication, and doesn't seem to care how many of them she prescribes.  The first thing she said to me after looking at my papers was, "Did your previous doctor ever tell you why she didn't raise your prescription?  This isn't a therapeutic dose.  This isn't safe.  Those little highs and lows can build up and trigger a larger episode."  Cue freakout #1.

On Harry Potter, &c

Awhile back, I posted an angry rant about people discounting the contribution of fandom to their obsession of choice (specifically, Harry Potter fans).  Now, while I stand by everything I said there, I suppose I was being deliberately inflammatory with some of it.  To be honest, I do have some respect for JK Rowling as an author.  She may be lazy with her plot devices, and she may not really "get" fantasy (which still burns me, I'll be honest - you don't come in and write a fantasy book - a good fantasy book, and then go on to reveal your own ignorance and disrespect of the genre - BUT ANYWAY), but she does write awesome characters.  And really, if you're going to be a writer, it's hard to be good at everything.  If you're going to be anything, it's hard to be good at everything.  With considerations of plot advancement, character development, dramatic tension, novel ideas, etc, something's gotta give.  To be honest, the only thing you really can't drop is the characters (at least in my opinion).
So I fall on both sides of the fence with JK.  I love her and I hate her, I love and hate her books.  But mostly I love the books.  I love the fandom.  I love the characters and histories she's created.  If her books have some horrid failings, well, I can overlook that.  I'm the squishy kind of English Major (20 & 25, really).

On Young Readers, Growing Up, Moral Outrage, and Other Nonsense

Ender's Game and the two series that spawned off of it were my favorite books in High School.  I read them every year or so for a while, because I would start to miss the characters, like friends I hadn't seen in a while.  I'm told that they're not as good as I remember.  I'm told that people who still cling to those books tend to have the same crazy beliefs as their writer, which is disconcerting.  I was shocked when OSC started with all his defense of marriage stuff, because the main things I remember about his books were that they were about accepting people for who they were without judgment.  Maybe I was reading different books than I thought I was, but those books had a big impact on my development and how I chose to interact with the world, and that's meant trying to understand people's intentions and seeing the humanity inherent.  I almost want to read these books again (it's been quite a few years), but I'm almost afraid of what I will find with fresh, adult(ish) eyes.
This brings me to this article, about the privilege of being a young reader.  It starts with a discussion of Ender's Game and brings it around to talk about the way that adults talk about children's literature.  People who argue loudly for free speech, against censorship, take a different stance on children's books, because children are "impressionable" (read: "stupid").

Stories of Mental Illness

Lately, I've realized that as much as I go on about fighting the stigma of "mental illness," I mostly only post about depression - even though I'm bipolar, which is technically different, but I'm Bipolar II which is kinda the same...whatever.  Anyway, that's mainly because that's the one I can talk most easily about.  I've been there.  I've experienced it enough to know what I'm talking about.  And honestly it's comfortable, in its way (see below).  I don't talk about being manic because it doesn't happen to me often, and when it does, it's scary and weird, so it's hard to talk about because I don't get myself at those times.
SO I've decided to try to expand my repertoire a bit.  (PS. repertoire is hard to spell).  And since I've had a stressful week that is just the lead-up to another stressful week (I get to work over 12 hours/shift twice this week!  Joy), I haven't got a lot of creative energy, so this is mostly links.  But they're important links, and good links, so you should read them and be amazed.